Wint-ACHOO!

Yes, my wit knows no bounds. I did indeed combine our current season and a sneeze into one glorious title, and your lives are richer for it. What a season it has been so far as well. The United Kingdom has become quite literally frozen (kind of brings new meaning to the term brit-pop...as in ice-pops? The frozen treat? No? Tough crowd) in what has been some of the heaviest snowfall and lowest temperatures I have ever experienced in this country. My quaint spot of land received up to around half a foot of the cold stuff within a few days, though that's nothing compared to most. Some friends of mine up in Aberdeen had it up to their knees. Combine that with the fact that my own breath was freezing into my facial hair on my morning jaunt to work, and it's no surprise I began to expect that the day after tomorrow a certain Mr. Quaid would come to my aid. Snow boots and all! Alas, reality slapped me in the back of the head and urged me to get on with things. As for what these things were I have no idea, but I make it a point not to argue with reality.

The sneeze, however, in today's oh-so-humorous title stems from the fact that some malevolent little virus and his homies have boarded my vessel and are beginning to lay siege to me as we speak. "But Liam, surely it is but a cold? Naught compared to your might!" I hear you say. Which is exactly what I thought, what with it being cold season in both senses of the term. That was until my boss peeked his plague-ridden head into work, giving me a run down of his symptoms. This is a man who rarely takes leave of work due to some nasty sickness, so when he's absent for a few days you tend to take notice. True to his description as the day went on new symptoms have begun to pop up in my person, symptoms that mirror his albeit with less severity. Now the weekend seems set for a climactic battle of virus and antibody. So as the two sides marshal their forces and dig in for the long haul, I leave you with this pearl of wisdom:

When you cough or sneeze, even if you don't feel ill, hold up your god damn hand and cover your god damn mouth!

What Do You Fink?

Don't worry, I haven't broken down into talking like a British thug; pronouncing any th as an f. The title will make sense in due time.
It's no secret to people that I'm a bit of a geek in the general sense of the term. By that I mean I will quite happily watch/read/play things of a sci-fi or fantasy nature. One TV show I look forward to every week is Stargate Universe. Now this show has developed a habit of ending episodes with a montage of characters overlaid with what has been called "emo music", only not in whole screaming and whining broody style. Moreover, it is music attempting to show the human side of the characters. One such episode revealed a gem of a musician that was unknown to me and through some google wizardry, I found out the name of the song and as such, the name of the musician. That musician was Fink. (title starting to make sense now, huh?)

The song is titled Sort Of Revolution and happens to be the title track to his latest album. Before the week was out I had got my paws on a copy of the album and have played the hell out of it ever since. My walkman (yeah that's right, walkman. stuff that iPod crap) has been locked on the album and left to repeat itself until I get home from work and play it on my PC instead. To make matters even better, this is one of those wonders wherein I like every track.
A combination of folk, electronica and with a slight indie vibe, the songs convey an almost conflicting easy-listening and energetic feel. Instruments used include acoustic guitar, piano, drums of both stick played and hand played varieties and a healthy dose of pre-recorded sounds since all of this is the doing of one man. All of this is carried along by a wonderful voice.

It has to be said that the title track has fast become a personal favourite of mine and not just on the album but of all time. It is truly rare that one can point at a song and say 'that there is one of my favourite songs in the world' but by god Fink has managed it.

The King, has returned...

...no no, wait, it's just him again.
I sure am lucky that blogs don't have some form of charity protecting them or I'd be done for negligence countless times over by now. Never fear internet! I am indeed alive and well and have only stopped posting because, to be honest, I can't think of anything to post. My usual attempts at doodles and writing has all but dried up and surprisingly, I'm not phased by this in the slightest. As it stands my day to day shuffling to and from work seems to fly by, leaving me with all the free time I care for. Free time filled with enough reading, watching and playing to fill this geeks mind to content.
With the Autumn season upon us (or "Fall") the market is once again saturated with new TV shows and computer games. Giving both my free time and wallet a run for their money. So until boredom sets in once more and my mind wanders into creative pastures anew, I shall leave these titbits of information for the lucky few who read this here blog.

• How To Train Your Dragon is stupendous and awesome and possibly now one of my top movies. You will watch it!
• Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is a wonderfully nostalgic experience for old video games (americanism!) and a nice tale of young love that doesn't rely on gross out jokes or the quest for sex. I'm looking at you American Pie.
• Graze.com is a boon to the early starter who just doesn't want to wake up that much earlier to make lunch. Plus it's healthy, so no more guilt filled biscuits to snack on. Have a gander and see what you think.
  
• The Walking Dead miniseries that has just been released on the TeeVee is a fresh take on those beloved scamps we call zombies. One episode in and it hasn't relied on the old method of jump-scares but rather those characters that are alive and the emotional gauntlet they go through while the brain-munchers shuffle about.
• The Venture Brothers is possibly one of the funniest animations on the air and a worthy successor the vacuum left by Harvey Birdman Attorney at law. Well worth the time to get into it.
• The musician Fink has an album called Sort Of Revolution that is quite good. The title track has been left on repeat more than a few times I can tell you. Treat your ears, they deserve it.
• Having curly hair that only becomes curlier the hotter one gets is apparently a lure for drunken girls to ruffle and play with.
• Finally, Twinnings chamomile, honey & vanilla tea is friggin' tasty!

That's all for now you saucy bunch. Until next time!

Traditions!

Kabamf: Neglecting his endeavours and leaving things half finished since 1987.

There aren't any excuses other than laziness that I can give for not posting anything worthwhile of late (any sharper readers will say "when did you post anything worthwhile?"). Laziness is perhaps the greatest of my foibles and yet it is not entirely without use. Sure one might not finish things for a long time, tasks may be left to the last minute and hobbies may fall by the wayside, but I think I can safely say that I never get stressed about things. That may well be apathy in a way and who is to say if being lazy isn't just due to people not caring about something. Nevertheless, being lazy leaves me relaxed more often than not. And how many people can say that?

Fear Not...

I'm still alive! The blog (I'll never quite get used to that word) has fallen by the wayside for the moment. A shame to say the least, but my inspiration has been running on fumes lately for some reason or another. That and contending with the troubles the opposite sex bring when introduced to ones life. The universe has seen fit to rectify all this though and our regular scheduled (kind of) programming will continue...just as soon as I finish my final festival of the year and get back to reality.

Stay sexy, your friendly webihood Kabamf x

Audible Brightness

LIGHTS! More commonly followed by camera! action!, but not however in this case. No, instead I'm speaking of the talented musician better known as Lights. With a debut album still fresh in the market, this electro-pop artist (or so the font of knowledge describes her) was brought to my attention earlier this year. Curiously enough it was not her usual styling that grabbed me but instead an acoustic version of her own song The Listening, a recording she had done purely for fans and posted on youtube for anyone what wanted to hear it. While not vastly different from the original, the song managed have its own grip on the ears it flowed to that wasn't quite the same as its electronic cousin.
Those willing to explore further into Lights' own youtube channel can find a wealth of videos each with with an acoustic version of tracks from her album. Her soft voice a fine compliment to her acoustic playing and invoking an altogether more relaxed mood when compared to the bass and synthesizer filled album variations. This came as a mighty find for someone like me, who finds acoustic playing so intriguing (I've strummed a few chords now and then) and acoustic variations of songs all the more so. Throw them together and you've got some audio catnip for yours truly. The other shoe had to drop though and in this case it was that the acoustic versions are only available in the videos. Now I'm sure that with some technological wizardry the sound could be lifted and thrown onto an mp3 player but that's not a nerd field I'm familiar with. As such I resigned my fate to getting my acoustic fix when near a computer.

Now! Several months down the line and through a simple twist of fate I have learnt that the little musical beauty is releasing a new EP. Not just any EP however. Titled quite simply as 'Lights Acoustic' this little delight contains 5 acoustic songs ready for personal use. Three of these are versions of album tracks; Saviour, February Air and River. With the final two tracks something of a treat. Fall Back Down, originally of punk band Rancid fame and Romance Is, a new track.
So now there is some acoustic joy to throw on my mp3 player to listen to on the go. The only faults I find with the EP are two fold:

• My personal favourite acoustic version of The Listening is absent.
• With this being a studio produced endeavour, the tracks I'm familiar with from her album seem different still from their youtube acoustic counterparts.

The natural live vibe you get from Lights sitting down and recording a video is gone and instead we're left with cleaned up vocals and guitar. This is more than likely just personal taste since I'm a fan of live music over studio recordings, but I couldn't help but feel the song February Air had lost the pull that the video version held over me. Nevertheless these songs will no doubt grow on me. Evident instantly upon a second listen.
As for the Rancid cover, the song has lost the high energy the original possesses but still remains fun. The tempo seems slightly dropped in order to allow the chords to ring through which is entirely welcome for such clean playing.
Romance Is comes across as a much more sombre affair than Lights fans may be used to, with lyrics suggesting emotional pain throughout. But it works. With a quick strumming pattern and a tune that tempts me to try to learn it, this new darker song is a welcome addition to the now growing back catalogue this budding artist has set in motion. What would be interesting to see (or hear) would be an entirely acoustic album of new tracks with an EP released later on converting these songs into the electronic style. The mirror of what has been done here. But with the EP and album both less than a year old and their creator still touring, only time will tell what surprises Lights has in store for us, with however little or much camera and action she can rustle up.

Father Time, You Speed Demon!

It's August. As in right now. Where the heck did the rest of the year go!? To think we're already over halfway through 2010 (and still no flying cars). Soon it will be Autumn (Fall for you yanks) and all the joy that comes with it, namely:

• Colder weather leading to easier sleep and me not melting 24/7.
• My annual challenge of watching to see when the trees turn only for it to suddenly happen, leaving me puzzled.
• The new and returning TV shows in all their fictitious splendour.

I love the Sun as much as the next person, but I hate being too hot. Which is something of an issue seeing as the Sun is a giant flaming orb. Although it's more likely that my thick, curly hair and all-natural, organic insulation is more to blame.
And yes, I try and witness the trees turning to catch them out. Behind my house and in clear view of my bedroom window is a collection of very tall trees and likely very old. So day in day out I glance at them and see the same sight. But whether through lapse in concentration or not, every year they suddenly look completely different. Same game in Winter when the trees strip down and get all naked (ooh la la!). It just...happens. Sneaky, ninja seasons.

I leave you with this little ditty. From those dashing and talented boys of The Cat Empire, a song to give a little lift to our spirits as the Summer draws to a close. Enjoy.

The Not So Fantastic Two

I did a quick warm up doodle at work and ended up drawing what appears to be Mr. Fantastic of the Fantastic Four. Kind of. So just to clarify that, I thought another member would help. The Thing is a walking rock man so it seemed the easier choice. The Invisible Woman is also in this picture. As is my new creation "Paper Background Man" whose superpower is evident.
See, I don't skimp on my drawing practice at all...

EDIT...sort of

My timing may have been somewhat off with the birthday well wishing. So read the last bit as un-birthday until the actual day rolls around. One day my brain may actually work like a real boys and remember things properly. Right?

For a Friend

Some months ago, through sheer chance and fate, I befriended a individual that had a bigger influence on my life than anyone else of the past few years. Thanks to her I started writing creatively again after a period of maybe 2 years, maybe more. We spoke at length about music, writing, family, friends and fun. But for reasons I don't and may never know this came to an abrupt end. Nevertheless I owe her my thanks and best wishes.
Sometime within the next few days (I hope) is her birthday and seeing as she not only made me a card but a present as well (that's made, as in by put together herself), I also owe her something in return. So while you go delightfully mad at your tea party Beth, this one is for you.



With a flick of your wrist and a dance of the quill
You capture an image so alive, yet still.
Whether with word or verse or rhyme,
Or lines and curves etched in time.
You conjure creatures both great and small,
Like fat sack-puss and a hawk girl so tall.
You write of your memories or of those for who you care
Or create such whimsy right out of thin air.
You observe your surroundings with detail so thick
And respond to an e-mail so very quick.
A taste for the song to rival my own.
So vast and varied and still being grown.
Of quirks and oddities you are quite fond
Not what you'd expect from a leggy blonde.
So while the snow maidens drift and the rain children play,
(And my forge of creation is working this day)
Here is my gift of rhyme and word;
Happy birthday to you, my southern Bluebird.

Online Shopping

A furnace for cash
My what a creation
A bonfire for money
Zero difficulty
One click is all you need
No more shops


It should not be this easy for me to purchase books and games at any time of day using only a mouse and some numbers off a rectangle of plastic.

Heated Insomnia

With a gentle sigh as soft as the breeze,
My body is rolled without the greatest of ease.
Must sleep, need sleep, can't sleep.
The air is thick and hot to the touch
Clinging to skin just a little too much.
Must sleep, need sleep, can't sleep.
An envious glance at my dog in his bed,
Covered in fur from his tail to his head.
Snoring away in his unconscious state,
Why is it I who must have to wait?
Must sleep for work.
Need sleep to think.
Can't sleep at all.
Not even a wink.

The Triumphant Return

Greetings programs! (ten points for those who get that quote)
I'm back, albeit briefly, just to give a quick heads up and let it be known I haven't melted away in this all too unexpected summer we're having in the UK.
My music festival adventure went off without a hitch and it has taken me a full week to recover in both mind and body. Especially body. A combination of not sleeping and over-drinking with a dash of singing until my voice was coarser than gravel left me in a sorry state. It was quite the bacchanalia let me tell you. Hundreds of pounds and abusing my own body. Would I do it again? What sort of absurd question is that? Why I try to do it twice a year!
For now though, with my body virtually healed I go to face my next opponent and challenge: the return to the gym after a 2-3 week hiatus. Wish me luck!
End of line. (if you got that first quote you had to have gotten that one)

Intermission

A not so subtle break while I attempt to finish writing part 2 of my last piece.

Sit back. Slouch a little, the way you shouldn't but it's just that much more comfortable. Go on. Part 2 will be here soon enough. Here's a little ditty to take your mind off of things. There's even some lyrics if you want to sing. Enjoy.

Boredom Floats On Butterfly Wings

In the month of May; in the year 2010, mild mannered design-come-IT technician Liam 'Kabamf' Brown is beginning his work day. When suddenly disaster strikes. Disaster in the form of his arch-nemesis: the dreaded Boredom Fairy!
How will our hero stave off this eternal foe? With the work day just beginning, can he withstand such an onslaught of tedium for so long?
The Boredom Fairy has yet to realise however, that with the combination of her dastardly powers and the requirement and necessity of the employee workload, a new force is born. Inspired Procrastination!

This is something I've noticed or a while now. For all my love of writing and doodling/drawing, I can only ever bring myself to do either when I'm at work as a way to put off the tedium that a job can sometimes bring. At home I'll very rarely engage in either without some circumstances such as a power-cut or sleeplessness. I'm fairly certain this is because of three factors:

1. At home I have free time to do as I please. Read, watch or play.
2. I'm very impatient when it comes to acquiring skills and without an obvious improvement in any of my creations, I'll swiftly give up.
3. Finally, I am one hell of a lazy creature at times.

The last two probably affect me more that the first. It's somewhat of a catch-22 situation really. I need to do more in order to improve those skills, but without the apparent boost in ability I crave I'm far to lazy to actually try. Thus I won't do more to improve.
The doodling suffers the most, with the only amount done being on scrap paper at my office desk. That combined with my inability to try new things out of a fear of failing, means I have stacks and stacks of paper all with cartoon heads on; the one main doodle I'm happy with. As for the writing? That comes in fits and starts as evidenced by this very blog (all of which I think I did do at work. I do do actual work, honest!). It was getting much more frequent at one point when I had the pleasure of essentially writing a letter once a day via e-mail, to what I can only describe as a pen-pal. As informal as that was it did focus me a lot more by giving me an achievable target: write a letter for your friend on the other side of the internet. That has come to an end now and as such my urge to put letter to page has dwindled to its former dim glow. In that time my mind was challenged, my imagination given an outlet and I created a handful of ideas I'm proud of. So is that the solution? The answer as to why I do this when at work? I am faced with a problem (boredom) and I overcome it with the chosen answer (procrastination).
Do I unknowingly yearn for an obstacle to test my creativity against?

Have At Thee 2009!

That almighty daystar sure put in the overtime over the weekend. The heat has progressed from 'just warm and sunny enough to invoke childlike energy' to 'I'm not moving'. This is both a good and a bad thing. My steadfast partner in crime, hereby referred to as Kev, and I entered one of the local drinking holes for liquid refreshment for a fleeting moment. A Sailor Jerry's and coke wit'ice & lime for me and a lemonade for he. Several steps later and we were basking in those glorious rays. We then couldn't bring ourselves to get up, pinned as we were by said glorious rays.

This weekend has seen me attend not one, not two, but three BBQs within a 24 hour period. Considering I never actually engaged in the ritual and habitual charring of dead animals for mass consumption in 2009, I firmly believe I am now well on my way to making up for this. An added bonus came from the use of disposable BBQs at one point, invoking memories of festivals of yesteryear. With beer in hand, sun on head, music flooding the ears and socks cast aside to grant my bare feet purchase on the ground, I could have sworn I was already at such an event. So much so that I very nearly set up my new tent to complete the scenario. I was fortunate enough to attend a soiree between BBQ one and two. I say this not because it is worthwhile but merely so I can use the word soiree.

In closing, take heed of these words: it is too hot for socks.

Grabbing At Straws

Seeing as I can't decide on anything worthwhile to write about, then I guess I'll just have to write in general. Just for the sake of it. Or my poor blog will feel unloved.

We'll start things off with something nice. I attended a wedding reception recently for a girl who I grew up with. She's older than me and closer to my sisters age. So much so that growing up I was the tortured younger brother, forever trying to keep up with their antics and being teased purely because I was younger. Good times.
It was a lovely experience. I've attended weddings and their post-ceremony parties many times before, but this one felt different. Maybe it was because I'm old enough to appreciate them now, but mostly I think it's because I knew the bride. I hadn't seen her or her family in some time, the most current being a funeral unfortunately, and I hadn't even spoken to any of them in years. But seeing this bride; this girl whose home I used to play at; whose family went on annual trips to watch pantomimes with mine; seeing her now was an altogether wonderful occasion. So crucially more important was the scenario of someone I knew getting married that it actually felt different. I can't help but wonder how it will feel when a close friend ties the knot.

Second on the agenda and something brief: apparently my little jaunts to the gymnasium are proving more fruitful than even I'm aware. Three separate people have now suggested to me that I have lost weight. Needless to say I played "You think so? I dunno, but thanks anyway" card while secretly shouting FUCK YEAH! in my head. The curious thing is that I have actually put on weight. Only a couple of pounds mind, but even so with all the hard work one puts in at that torture palace (so named now not because of the physical exercise but due to the god awful music they play) it doesn't help the mindset of someone trying to lower their weight. A close friend pointed out that it probably has something to do with toning while another suggested muscle weighing more than fat. It's possible both are true, regardless this means the goal of 'looking sexy' is under way. Watch out smaller jeans, I'm coming for ya!

Thirdly, I finally managed to watch the movie Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief. I'd been yearning to watch this for a handful of reasons:

1. Sean Bean (one of Britain's greatest exports) plays Zeus! Sean Bean. God of Thunder. Yes!
2. Growing up I was a Greek mythology nut. I loved the stuff. Heroes, monsters, gods. I ate that shit up. Even bought a nice copy of Homer's Odyssey while in Greece. A copy now worn and weathered through use.
3. This film has some big names playing roles that don't have more than maybe 5-15 minutes scene time total. Sean Bean, Pierce Brosnan, Uma Thuman, Steve Coogan, Rosario Dawson and apparently Ray Winstone who I must have missed in my trance.

I'm glad to say I enjoyed it. It does suffer from the problem that all book-to-movie transitions suffer from i.e. the story feels rushed as they try to condense everything into less than 2 hours. But that's just an necessary evil. The special effects are top notch with some great designs on the monsters, which includes one of my all time favourite Greek beasties. My only wish is that it were longer to flesh out the characters a bit more. Seeing as this won't happen it gives me all the more reason to take a stab at the book itself. Here's hoping to a string of sequels!

Lastly a subject that I can't contain. 3 weeks from now I will have a beer in one hand and a burger in the other. I'll be tired from sleeping in a tent and my arse will be firmly planted on the grass near stage 3 as I and a handful of others are treated to a band a mere 24 hours before some of the biggest names in rock swagger on stage and blow my mind with awesome vocals, face melting solos and hair prickling riffs. Yes in 3 weeks I go to the first festival of the year. Download Festival. 5 days of drinking too much, eating junk food, sleeping poorly, being deafened by live music and braving the portaloos. It'll cost me hundreds of pounds when it's over and done with and you know what boys and girls?

I can't wait.

Blocked and Dammed

I'm posting purely as a show that I haven't forgotten about this blog. I just can't for the life of me think about anything to write about or even draw.
Sad times my friends. Sad times indeed.

Late Night Musings

So. At the writing of this post, it is about 2:06am. I've been out and about in my merry old town/city of Ripon and in true form I've managed to drink enough rum to make my wallet cry. Spending so much of my hard earned (read: somewhat earned) cash on such pointless endeavours as booze should really bug me. But it doesn't. Know why? Beacause I had a fun. I'm relatively shy around new people, a fact that isn't lost on those who know me well. Sure I'll put on a brave face and spout words and phrases that seem normal enough. But really it's just things I've learnt to say and do around the average pub-goer, that I've learned from spending much of my childhood around such folk and in such places. Please note this is not a "I grew up in bars" plea, but just a staement of the fact my father is an avid (putting it weakly) football player and fan and as such, spent a lot of his free time playing in local teams. Me being the adorable (shut up, I was!) child was brought along. But I'm missing the point.
So i've done my bit. I've met the new people my friends have brought with, put on my most comfortable charm and gone about my business as if I'd known them for years. I'd drank enough to spurt easy humour as regualr as Old Faithful, but not too much as to hamper my judgment. A fact made all the more clear by the refusal of takeaway for health reasons. QED, fun was had. We laughed. We danced. We bonded. Yet for all the merriment that was had I can safely say I will probably never hear from any of the new folk again. I still don't remember their names, but then, my memory is freakishly selective. The question remains then, that is all the mirth and pleasantries spent on these then-and-now future strangers, worth it? Would it not be easier overall to merely spend the time amongst those you know? The comfort zone so named because it is where we feel we fit in the scheme of things. Short answer: Yes. But I pity anyone who doesn't go out and flood themselves with rum, all the while flirting with the danger of the new person.

It's safe to say I'd lost the point I was going to make quite a while ago. But I felt this blog wasn't complete without semi-drunk post. If I could manage it, I'd be going off on tangents until I accidentally got back the orignal subject. In fact, I'm doing it right now!

Geez, Internet. You Sound Like My Mother!

You see that button up there? The one at the top of the page that reads Next Blog >> ? That button is great. Using its mysterious powers, it gazes at the blog you're reading and then divines another blog of somewhat equal topic for you to peruse. That's great. No wading hip-deep through the waters of the unwanted, just POP and you're staring at someone else's musings that the almighty button thinks you'll like. No fuss, no muss.
So why is it about 7 times out of 10 I am sent to a blog detailing and chronicling the life of some newborn or family, as written by the mother-figure? Moreover, why am I sent here from blogs by artists and travellers? What are you trying to tell me internet? Do you want me to start a family!? But I'm young yet! You'll get your grand kids in due time you malevolent info-being.

P.S. That title? Yeah, my mother never quizzes me about having kids. That was a lie. I lied. Deal with it.

A Momentous Occasion

A doodle has been did. By myself. In it I have managed to draw a hand that doesn't look like it was taken to with a meat tenderizer. I'm just...I'm so damn proud!

Another Quickest of Quick Doodles

Brooding action hero! I think he kind of looks a bit like Sylvester Stallone in his younger Judge Dredd/Demolition Man years. I love those films! My Grandfather use to record all these action movies from TV and then when I visited, we'd sit and watch them for hours. Although seeing the 3-boobed alien chick from Total Recall was kind of awkward.

Employment

Clicking mice, tapping keys, ringing phones and computer screens.
Hours stretch out like a desert road. Tired eyes hoping for the clock to change. Looking for the numbers to alter, like an addict looking for a fix. Each glance always done with haste as each minute feels like ten. Office life is no life for me.

It's unfortunate that so many people celebrate the arrival of Friday with such fervour, all because it heralds the start of the weekend and the weekend meaning no work for two whole days. Then just as quickly, treat Monday like a plague victim. Shunned, cursed and avoided because it brings with it the beginning of the five day trudge towards the next weekend. Weekends are placed on such high a pedestal that they may as well be in orbit. I say it's unfortunate because a job is something you must do in order to live in relative comfort, and something you must do for a damn long time. So why is it everyone, myself included, doesn't strive for a job that doesn't make the weekend look like an oasis in the 9 to 5 desert that is Monday to Friday?
Now I for one find myself to be quite lucky. I all but fell into my job and while it's a far cry from anything I had in mind in my wondrous youth, it's not really something I can complain about. I rise at 6am (turns out there's a 6am) and start in my office at 7am. I have my own office. Me! I'm 23 years old with my own office. It's sounds impressive if I don't go into detail, so I won't. I can wear what I like, not that I have an aversion to suits, I love suits, but wearing your most comfortable clothes in order to sit in a room for 7 hours is a blessing. The only issue really is that I can get bored and in essence, offices and boredom pretty much go hand in hand. Yet I still find myself yearning for that relaxing wave to wash over me as I step out the doors on a Friday afternoon. Sure it isn't just offices. I have friends in retail and teaching who feel the same way. So why is it we just want to spend 48 hours a week pretending the other 120 don't exist? Is the idea of working, paid employment nonetheless, that abhorrent to us and our urge to do as we please so strong?
Laziness? Selfishness? Or perhaps something of more virtue such as the need to work for oneself? To be your own man maybe (yes I said own man you political correctness nuts). Whatever the reason(s) and whether the fact gets resolved in time, all I can say is: TGIF.

Dr. House be angry.

On Healthy Eating and Self Torture

SO. I've joined a gym. Again. This time last year I actually joined a gym and contrary to popular belief went more than twice. The problem I had though was this: it was boring! Now I know all you actual healthy livers, movers and shakers out there will be all "It's not supposed to be fun!" but I ask you; are you not supposed to enjoy it even a little? In the end my exercising half-life seemed to be somewhat closer to that of fruit fly than the athlete I'm hiding somewhere beneath all the fat. The following 3 months actual got paid for as I told (read: lied to) myself that I'd go again.
Fast forward many months to the end of March 2010. With my best friend no longer half a country away at university, I used my keen wits to convince him to tag along to this flaunted building of machines designed exclusively to make you hurt. The conversation went something like this:
"Kev. Come to the gym with me."
"Ok."
He never stood a chance. And last week we signed over our bank details, firm in our beliefs that in time we'd be carved into some kind of demi-gods capable of running miles on a single breath and bench-pressing small families. This has yet to occur but 3 sessions means that I may require multiple breaths to walk a mile and can bench-press a small family of hamsters. Healthy living aside, people only go to the gym so they can look good naked. Everything else is just useful side-effects. Living longer means looking sexy longer. Needless to say, I'm now enjoying it. With my partner in crime egging me on all the while. Oddly enough the running/rowing/jogging/weighting is actually easier than it used to be. My theory: quasi-vegetarianism.
I love meat. It's awesome. But my diet was less than awesome and I can be picky when it comes to veggies. So I made myself be a vegetarian for 1-2 months in order to try things more and I have to say, quorn is pretty damn awesome to. Now I eat it most of the time and only engage in flesh consumption when someone else has cooked.

Pros: Delicious
Healthier
More energy
Insanely easy to cook
No dead animals for people to shout at me for

Cons: Quorn be freaking expensive!
My sleepy little city barely sells the stuff anywhere
I have been more ill more times while this has gone on
than when I was Mr. Picky-Carnivore, Consumer of Flesh

All in all it falls down to whether I want to be poorer, suffer illness more, have less time for fun but look sexy OR have more money, lots of meat, negligible illnesses, all the fun-time I want but be referred to as "cuddly".

Think it's a pretty obvious choice. Now where'd I put my gym bag?

The "I couldn't think of a title" Title

Writers block, writers block. Why are you here?
"I love to keep my friends so very near.
I'll hinder, I'll bar, I'll burden and choke.
To stop the creations of all you good folk."
He then cracked a smile and with a cheeky wink,
Into my thoughts the blocker did sink.
I swore and I cursed at this offensive intrusion.
"How to unblock?" I had no conclusion.
But then an idea snuck past the fiends gaze
And broke me out of this writers block haze.
"Use him!" the thought whispered into mine ear.
"Write about him!" It all became very clear.
So I struggled and squirmed out of his grasp,
And with each keystroke he let out a gasp.
"I am beaten. Finished. Spent. Undone.
This battle is over yet the war just begun.
I'll learn from this boy! This defeat by rhyme.
I'll be back soon, just give it some time."

Dilemma

I really want to post more right now. But everything I come up with is the same rhyming humour that I've done so far. I'd actually written two things that were just general thoughts and musings, but I know the handful that read this at the moment get that from me anyway. Whether they want it or not. But I deleted them. I just can't bring myself to write anything that isn't rhyming or light-hearted. This poses something of a dilemma:
1) Write something in that jovial rhyming manner to which I've become accustomed but seems a tad boring.
or
2) Attempt to write something that isn't anything like the above option but risk not enjoying it or thinking it's crap anyway.

What Would Batman Do?

Awkward Meetings & Philosophical Ramblings

L: Oh God. Don’t see me don’t see me don’t see me...

C: Who?

L: Her, there. Don’t look! Don’t see me don’t see me don-

F: Oh Hi, Liam.

L: Hey, um, Faith. How’re you doing?

F: I’m good thank you. Long time no see huh? You well?

L: Er...yeah, real long time. I’m okay thanks...

F: That’s good. Oh! You’re with someone. Well come on, aren’t you going to introduce us?

L: Yeah yeah, of course. Cyn, this is Faith in Humanity. Faith in Humanity, this is Cyn.

C: Hello. Nice to meet you.

F: Nice to meet you to. Cyn...that’s an interesting name.

C: Thanks. It’s short for Cynicism.

F: Very nice. So are you two...?

L: Yeah. We’re seeing each other.

F: That’s great. So how did you two meet?

C: A mutual friend introduced us actually. Apathy. It wasn’t really like him to take any interest in the matter but I’m certainly glad he did. (laughs)

F: Well that’s lovely to hear. I’m happy for you two.

C: Thank you. How do you two know each other?

L: Faith and I used to hang out all the time back in the day.

F: He’s being shy. We used to date. We were in a pretty good group of friends and just sort of hit it off. Speaking of which do you see any of the gang anymore?

L: Occasionally. Me and Jovial sort of drifted a part when university started.

F: That’s such a shame! You two were best friends. But I guess life gets in the way in the end.

L: You can say that again.

F: Anyway I best leave you two to your business. Cynicism it was wonderful to meet you. Liam, try and stay out of trouble. Bye!

L: Yeah, bye Faith...

C:...humph. Rub your relationship in my face why don’t you. Bet she’s making fun of my name to.

L: Don’t worry about it. Faith isn’t like that.

C: Whatever. Come on we’ll be late.

L: (glances back longingly to where Faith left)



This probably seems pessimistic. But I mean it in a light-hearted manner.
I’ll be the first to admit that since leaving school, going to university and dropping out then working full-time; that I’ve become somewhat jaded with...well, almost everything. Maybe it has something to do with growing up and having all these responsibilities which will definitely take their toll on you. Maybe as you get older you get more aware of what stories are reported on the TV or in the newspapers. Whatever the reason, it sure doesn’t help matters.
BUT, on the upside, every time something happens that bolsters my courting of Cynicism and my friendship with Apathy, it only acts to reinforce my personal 3 rules of life:

1. People suck.
This is immutable. Regardless of where you are or when you are, people will do bad things. Cynical: yes. Unfortunate fact: yes.

2. Shit happens.
Again, immutable. Something bad can and will happen to you at any time or place whether as an effect of rule #1 or just pure bad luck. Someone eats the food you were saving, miss your bus, break a bone etc.

3. Deal with it.
This rule is the most important. Whether you’ve been wronged by someone or the universe, just get on with it. Sulk, grieve, get angry, whatever you have to do but don't do it for too long. End of the day the only thing that will help you is if you dust yourself off and press on.

I’ve been saying these rules to people for years now. It doesn’t mean I’m not happy. Quite the opposite. Ultimately that’s all anyone wants to be and rule #3 is there for that very reason. Be cynical, be apathetic but do NOT be miserable. Because lets face it; no one likes a sourpuss.


(Except Dr. Gregory House MD)

Ramblings in Merriment

I do wonder from time to time,
While sipping rum mixed with lime,
Is there really a great divine?
For I must thank him for creating wine.
Wine of red and wine of white,
(But keep that pink stuff out of sight)
I drink them both with much delight
Until my wallet gives me a fright.
As the drink floods my brain,
To buy more I cannot refrain.
My throat becomes naught more than a drain
Until I’m jabbering like I’m insane.
Drunken falls will hurt your bum.
Drink enough and suffer a dickie-tum.
Slurred words like said through gum.
I do quite enjoy that lime and rum.



Ooh two posts in one day again. I spoil you internets, I really do.
This is another testament to my mind wandering when I'm at work.

Thrill

An adrenaline rush, a sugar high,
The thrill of new, a pleasurable sigh.
We crave, we yearn, we need, we want
Call it greed.
Call it lust.
Call it what you will.
To you others will shun,
But they're just afraid to admit
That it's so much god damn fun.

The Stars

In the beginning, the almighty created the stars.
Soon after followed man. Shaped in the image of their creator and with a penchant for creation themselves.
Man flourished. Ever more complex in tools and culture. In two short millennia man had dominated most of the known world. Then, in their thirst for more. More creations. More knowledge. Man turned their eyes to the earlier concoctions of the one who brought them forth.
The stars.
As man admired the stars in all their glory and power, questions begun to be asked. Questions that would shape man in ways nought else had before. Man stared at the stars and asked;

I wonder what she looks like without make-up?
Are they dating?
Is that a scandal?
How did they lose weight so quickly?

And thus, OK! magazine was born!



I'm getting into a not so healthy habit of using bathos all the time now. But dammit, humour is my comfort zone!
What is the deal with these magazines anyway? Heat, Ok!, Bella etc. I never quite understand why people would spend good money on a series of photographs of someone they've never met and most likely never will. Is it the deep seated cynic in me that thinks people just wish to make themselves feel better by seeing their icons in a state of disarray? Probably. Would I want to be one of those writers who pokes and jibes these strangers in the fashion of a common playground bully? Sullying their hard earned name just to earn a few more coin for my own selfish agenda to become rich and powerful myself? No...okay yes. But I wouldn’t enjoy it! I’d merely enjoy going back to my large and needlessly expensive home, adorning myself in silk pyjamas and proceeding to roll around in whatever finery is in style that week. All the while gargling on the finest caviar and eating volauvents in a most auspicious manner with my harem of supermodel-come-volleyball champions dancing in the background. Laughing at the underlings vying for the opportunity of who gets to be my foot rest later that evening. That I would enjoy.

Of course, there’s a good chance my idea of what paparazzi writers earn and get up to on their downtime is grossly incorrect.

Appearances: They Can Deceive

Tongue twisted.
Body tattered.
The ties that bound now fraying with age.
Then, with the softest of sounds, his soul began to tear.
What was once so supple, yet strong, now merely an inconvenience. Allowing all manner of detritus to fall and seep in. Clinging things making each footfall another hazard and the journey ever more difficult. It had weathered so much, held firm against everything thrown against it and finally given in.
At least these trainers had lasted longer than the last pair.



Ooh bet you thought I was being deep for a second didn't you internets. I hate having to buy new shoes. I'd shop online but then you have to gamble on them fitting properly. Plus you don't get to parade around the shop on your test drive, exclaiming to the sales person and all those in earshot;

"Do these make my ankles look fat?"

Just me huh? Okay. I'll go be quiet now.

The Man Who's Everywhere

He dances left
He dances right
He dances so faint he's hardly in sight.

You glimpse him here
You glimpse him there
You glimpse him almost everywhere.

Lock your doors
Close the veils
Grip the wood and dig in your nails.

Try and hide
See if you can
No one escapes the Dust Mote Man.



Apparently being bored at work makes me creative :P

Look Ma! I'm "blogging"

SO! A fresh new blog. All idle and waiting to be either abandoned by yours truly or twisted into something horrible for some devious purpose.
A good friend actual pushed me on to this ever-growing craze, a friend who I'll no doubt reference immensely and has not one, oh no, not two, but FOUR blogs on the go. So if she can sustain four of the blighters and still find time to do all that life stuff then I can damn well try myself. Am I right? I'm right.

What you'll (hopefully!) see in the coming future is my questionable attempts at being creative. From doodles and characateurs to the ramblings of a Yorkshire mind addled by far too many nights in front of a TV screen or behind a book. Amateur at everything and Pro at nothing, if I can make myself continue updates and not let down that one fan (I know you're their Bluebird!) then in my mind this means I'm practicing. That wonderful and elusive P-word that apparently makes people better at things.

Now. I suppose I should get on with my real job...