The Good Uncle, The Bad Uncle and the Ugly Uncle (omit where necessary)

There are many milestones in growing up, most of which are obvious. Leaving home. Your first love. Your first heartbreak. Realising what you want to do with your life. Becoming a parent. Beating that high score your friend set on your game when he borrowed it that one time, thus asserting your dominance as the alpha male and giving you first bite of the antelope you all took down (ah, summer). People write poems about these things. They write stories and sing songs, paint pictures and make movies. Yet today I realised there's at least one thing that doesn't make it into the limelight. Becoming an uncle.
Come November my nephew will be well on his way to soiling himself and dribbling like a champ and I will officially be an uncle, and in doing so I will have one more follower in my quest for world domination. This will be the very first new branch in my immediate family tree. The first grandchild for my parents. Needless to say it is a pretty big deal. Huge in fact! And do you know what my first response was in learning my sister was pregnant?

"Okay."

That was it. After some follow up words from both parties I said goodbye, hung up the phone and then went back to something like playing a game or watching TV. Quite possibly in my underwear (that isn't relevant, but I thought I'd give the ladies something to go on). You see it takes a while for information and events like that to sink in with me. It wasn't until several weeks later when it had become public knowledge and some time after when I first saw my sister and the bump in question, that it dawned on me just how grand an event this was. A child, a baby even, was going to have a very strong connection to me both in blood and emotion. I am to be the little guy's sole uncle. I set my jaw and leapt full force for the wagon. I have now begun referring to my future organ donor as "the most spoiled nephew in the world" a title which I thoroughly intend to play out. I'm fully aware that a spoiled child, sometimes known as spoiled brat, has very negative associations but in this case I mean it purely as a show of the child wanting for very little. Yet I have not bought, purchased, bartered, purloined or acquired a single item for him...it...bump. Being unnecessarily rational at times I realised that until he reaches one full year of age, he will be blissfully unaware of almost everything short of the need for food or attention. Somewhat like a cat only with less fur (probably) and claws (lil'Wolverine? One can hope). Why buy so many things when they will most likely go to waste? Why not save your money? He won't know.

Now if you don't mind me I need to find my good suit. Bank loans are hard to get these days and baby gear is expensive.


NOTE: How awesome is this!?